Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
They
taste funny.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that
ate his
uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
Why was the cannibal expelled
from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
When do cannibals cook you?
On
Fried-days.
What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
Pickled organs.
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.
What happened when the cannibals ate a
comedian?
They had a feast of fun.
What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You
get into hot water.
What did the cannibal say when he came home
and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not
snake and pygmy pie again!
What did the cannibal say when
he was
full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
What happened when the cannibal ate the
speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Baked Beings.
Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He
was fed up with other people.
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar
plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with
m'lasses."
Why do
cannibals make suitcases out of
people's heads?
Because they're headcases.
What happened when a cannibal went on a
self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
First cannibal: I can't find anything to
eat!
Second cannibal: But the jungle's full of people.
First
cannibal: Yes, but they're all very unsavory.
Did you hear
about the cannibals who
captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew
over.
Did you hear about the cannibal family who
were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right
roasting.
Two cannibals were having their
dinner.
One said to the other "I don't like your friend."
The other one
said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the
vegetables."
The cannibal priest told his flock to close
their eyes and
say grace.
"For whosoever we are about to eat,
may the Lord make us truly
thankful."
"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking
teacher. "What
did you make of the new English teacher?"
"Burgers, ma'am."
Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your
wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the
first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
First Cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you
with last night?
Second Cannibal: That was no girl, that was my
supper.
Did you hear
about the cannibal who
joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Did you hear about the
cannibal who
commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.
Cannibals capture three men. The men
are
told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will
be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The
first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His
request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for
paper
and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his
family. This
request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they
kill him saving
his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's
turn. He asks for a
fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his
final request, so they
give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork
he begins stabbing himself
all over and shouts, "To hell with your
canoes!"
A cannibal son and
his father are out
looking for food. They are watching people walk down
the street. The
son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father
rejected
saying that she's too fatty. Later on the son asked about a
very
skinny woman. Again the father refused saying that she's to
skinny.
After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman." sure
son"
the father replied, drooling. "We'll take her home and eat you
mother!"
Q. What did the cannibal's wife give her
husband when he came home late for dinner?
A. The cold
shoulder.
First cannibal: We had burglars last night.
Second cannibal: Did they taste good?
First cannibal: I don't know
what to
make of my husband these days.
Second cannibal: How about a curry?
The cannibal king was having
dinner when
a servant came running in.
"Your Majesty," he said, "the slaves are
revolting!"
"You don't have to tell me," said the king. "I'm
trying to eat
them.
"Where did we get these slaves anyway?"
"From
the country next door," replied the servant.
"We must get a new
butcher," said the king. "Bring me Delia Smith."
"We can't, Your
Majesty, she's still cooking for you."
"Well, bring her to me once
she's crispy enough," said the
king.
What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?
Meals on wheels.
What is the cannibals' favorite game?
Swallow my Leader.
What happened to the cannibal lion?
He
had to swallow his pride.
Did you hear about the cannibal who went
vegetarian?
He couldn't stop eating swedes.
Cannibal Boy: I've brought a friend
home
for dinner.
Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we'll have him
tomorrow.
A
cannibal chief was just about to stew
his latest victim for dinner when
the man protested,
"You can't
eat me ? I'm the manager!"
"Well," said the cannibal, "soon
you'll be a manager in chief."
First cannibal: My wife's a tough old bird.
Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another
half
an hour.
A cannibal's dillema: If God didn't want us
to eat people,
why did he make them out of meat?
A man is captured by cannibals,
every day
they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their
food.Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "Hey, you can kill
me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for
drinks!"
Cannibal: Mom, mom, I've been eating a
missionary and I feel sick !
Mom: Well, you know what they say - you
can't keep a good man down
!
Was the principal's brother really a
missionary?
He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands
their
first taste of Christianity !
When a plane caught fire over the jungle the
pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal's pot. The cannibal turned
to
his friend and said, 'What's this flier doing in my soup?'
1st
Cannibal: I don't know what to make
of my boyfriend these days.
2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot ?
What did the cannibal's parents
say when
she brought her boyfriend home ?
'Lovely, dear, he looks good
enough to eat!'
First cannibal: Who
was that girl I saw
you with last night ?
Second cannibal: That was no girl, that was my
supper !
Two cannibals
were having lunch. 'Your
girlfriend makes a great soup,' said one to
the other.
'Yes!'
agreed the first. 'But, U'm going to miss her terribly.'
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One
said to the other, 'I don't like your friend.'
The other one
replied, 'Well put her to one side and just eat the
greens.'
Why did the cannibal break up with his
girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!
What did the cannibal have for
lunch?
Baked beings (beans).
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give
them a hand !
What's the definition of a cannibal?
Some
who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!
What do cannibal say when they say
grace?
''We thank you,Lord, for our daily dead!''
What did the cannibal
say to the
explorer?
''Nice to meat you''!
What do pygmy cannibals eat for
breakfast?
Weedie Bix!!
What happened when the cannibal crossed the
Atlantic on
the QE2?
He told the waiter to take the menu away and
bring him the passenger
list!
Why don't cannibals like to eat Carl
Lewis?
He gives them runs!
Why won't cannibals eat Frank
Sinatra?
Because he's always coming back!
What do sick cannibals have for
breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He
was on a diet!
What happened when the cannibal got a
religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike
Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
What happened when the cannibal bit off a
missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
Why did the Scottish cannibal
live on a
sugar plantation?
He said ''So that I can feed my lads with
m'lasses!
Why was the
cannibal looking
peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Which is the only day you
you are safe in
a cannibal village ?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter
instead)!
What happened to
the cannibal lion?
He
had to swallow his pride!
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of
peoples
heads?
Because they're headcases !
What happened to the entertainer who did
a show for the cannibals ?
He went down really well !
First cannibal: Come and have dinner in
our but tonight.
Second cannibal: What are you having?
First
cannibal: Hard-boiled legs.
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the
dentist?"
Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
Why did
the cannibal eat the tightrope
walker?
He wanted a balanced meal. |
